If you guessed, "On a plane to Florida," you would be correct. See, it turns out that as of this morning, the FAA has raised the threat level for air travel and in response, has banned the transporting of any liquids or gels in carry-on luggage.
I wasn't planning on checking bags, so after waiting 20 minutes in the Extended parking lot for a bus and making it to the terminal exactly 45 minutes before my flight, I checked in as quickly as I could and ran down to the security line. Where I was informed about the "no liquid" rule and sent back upstairs to check my bag. Except, you can only check bags up to 45 minutes before a flight. And since pretty much the entire contents of my bag were either liquids or gels, I declined to throw them all out. So now I'm flying though Charlotte, arriving a mere 5 hours later than planned.
But don't worry, America. You're definitely safe from my toothpaste and contact solution.